On Seeking Friendships

Due to recent occurrences, I have come to realise the part that friendship plays is one’s life. Hence, I decided to analyse why do we think of friendship as we do. What does it really mean to have a friend, and more importantly, do we even need one?

The thing is I have come across many people who lived their lives without an actual friend. Here though, I’d like to insert what I mean by friend. Friend: as the cheeky quotes say “the family you got to choose for yourself” (I don’t know how much I agree with that, but that’s beside the point), so basically someone that you are not related to and with whom you share at least some sort of connection at any level (hobbies, talks, interests…). So it got me wondering all of these stories of bffs (which btw is quite an unrealistic acronym, like forever. Really?) and the poor girl who sits alone in a classroom with no friends → no life, UH I mean is it really that crucial to have friends in one’s life?

Being an _ _ _ _ _ vert (I’ll let you guess), I have always, wouldn’t say cherished, but somewhat been okay with staying alone. I mean we’ve all heard “you were born alone, you live alone and you’re gonna die alone” and all that but really solitude can be quite beneficial at times and it can expand the ways in which you look at things. Now, coming back to friendships. Obviously I acknowledge the fact that humans are social creatures. So, we do need to talk and have someone with whom we can share stuff, seek help and ask or receive support, but does that require having friends? Not that I have anything against them, it’s just that sometimes I just wish people wouldn’t put so much pressure on making friends. Like it’s a thing you must do or else you have no life.

And if you do go ahead with making new friends, the work that you have to put in to find a good friend. Are they trustworthy enough? Do they approve of me? Can I be “the real me” in front of them? And the other extreme would be where you have that one friend who understands more than you can ever understand your own self and you just put your everything into maintaining that friendship, but guess what? People change. You change. And sometimes the way that you or the other person have taken kind of seem to not go along all too well. Or you didn’t quite know them well enough in the first place. And that’s the point. Getting at a point where you’d force yourself to stay in whatever sort of friendship [listing a few: toxic friendship, one that may or may not give you anxiety, one that demotivates you, one that is affecting you in a not-so-positive way, one-sided, a friendship whose soul has died (or whatever you wanna call it, connection? growth?)] just for the sake of it. Just because you don’t want to be the loner. (Also, I don’t know why I’m writing this in the second person) Or because it will make you look the bad one. The one who broke the friendship (one that in its actuality was dead way before, but you just realised or took action now).

And the thing is sometimes people treat friendships as such a superficial relationship where you meet up the person and catch up with them only because that’s when you need them or because you’re bored or because you just need to pass time. And that is fine in itself. Friends are a great way to ease off your worries, but is that really what friendship is all about? Every relationship must have some value in it. It must offer something to the people involved in it. Both sides. Something that has a positive impact on them and that is worthy. Worthy of them. Worthy of their precious time. Worthy of their attention and energy devoted to maintain that relationship.

So yeah that’s all I wanted to put out there. I just want people to know what friendship really means and where’s its place and to know that you can live a life with “no friends”. We all need companionship, yes, but that is it: companionship. Someone who is along the journey with you so you might as well cross the path alongside. But that doesn’t mean that they have to assist you in every which way or be with you right till the end.

Paths differ. And paths cross. Never lose yours.

N.B! All opinions stated are my own and stem from my experiences, daily events, occurences or topics in mind. I hope this isn’t a jumbled mess, although I really feel like it is, but thank you for reading. I hope this has provided you benefit or some food for thought.

Disclaimer

Salam. Or peace. To y’all.

I wanted to start this blog with the disclaimer or note of why it exists in the first place. The thing is I’ve always loved writing. It’s sort of therapeutical to me, but in the recent days (or months) I’ve been suffering from the infamous “writer’s block”. That and also, the consequences of being a perfectionist. All of that combined have prevented me from even putting a single drop of ink on paper. (this short intro itself is taking me more than thirty mins to write, can you believe this?!) Anyway, I don’t mean to bore you, but I seriously have to get myself back on track because I cannot let this ILLNESS (some people call it creative constipation hehe) keep me away from my love of writing and I really have a feeling that if I won’t make an effort now, I probably will never again be able to put together invisible words, ideas or anything and fill my blank sheet of paper.

So, I have decided to set up this blog with the aim of controlling my perfectionist-self from trying to make everything perfect (even though nothing really is) to the point of not even putting it out there, and let the words flow by themselves as well as to get back my lost (look I cannot even find the word!!) passion, hobby, love or whatever of writing. And I found out that people (some people) quite enjoy insert here: synonym of casual styles of writing so this one’s for them.

Therefore, if you would like to join me, you are very welcome. I really appreciate each one of you who decides to take out your precious time and energy on reading some of my reflections. Also, I’ll do my best not to turn this blog into yet another virtual place for random ramblings, and post somewhat meaningful stuff that is on my mind and that I think require some thought and further discussion. The style of writing will be quite casual, because as I said this blog is a means for me to get back into writing (sorry if I’m repeating), so apologies to anyone who abhors writing styles that include acronyms, wrong usage of words, sentences that go on and on and weak qualifiers (basically everything unprofessional). I get you.

But yeah, let’s see how this goes.